Alvin's New Job

Until about 3 weeks ago, Alvin was content with his job at the hospital and planned to continue to work there until hopefully our church grew enough to support our family full-time.  Then one night he came home from work so upset about a conversation that he had with his supervisor.  It was clear that within just a few days, the tide had turned so to speak, and although Alvin had not done anything wrong, he had become the scapegoat for mistakes that other employees had made.  A co-workers lies were believed.  He felt that he had lost favor with his boss. 

That's not a good feeling.  We tried to rationalize why and how this could have happened, which only left us frustrated.  Then we tried to see this through a spiritual lens.  Lay-offs are coming to his work in a few months.  Could this be a gentle, heavenly nudge to get Alvin to start looking for a new job before he has to start looking?  Maybe.  Or maybe Alvin has served his spiritual purpose at this job.  Or maybe there is  a better job out there that God knows will be a blessing to Alvin and our family.  Perhaps all 3?

Alvin started looking for a new job immediately.  The next day he saw an opening for a supervisor position on day-shifts, Monday - Friday.  Alvin has worked the swing-shift for the past 6 years, and it has been a good fit for our family until now.  With Josh going into 2nd grade, Malia starting Kindergarten, and Micah starting preschool, Alvin will barely see the kids anymore.  A day shift job has been a distant thought that has started to become more pressing lately, but it would mean a pay cut at his current job, because he loses his shift differential. This job he applied for would actually be a slight pay raise, because of the supervisor position.

The interview for this new job went so well that he was offered the position on the spot.  We discussed it when he got home, because one part of the job description  is that he needs to work one weekend a month.  That doesn't work for a pastor.  He discussed it with the manager a few days later, and thankfully he was eager to work out a solution so that Alvin doesn't have to miss church.  Could this be the dream job for Alvin?  We're trusting that it is the right fit for our family, so Alvin accepted!

Having Alvin home at nights means family dinners and Bible studies together every night.  Being able to go to weekend parties together without Alvin having to take days off.  Having time alone after the kids go to sleep :) 

I am thankful for the years that Alvin was home during the day when the kids were little, but I am also ready for this new chapter in our lives.  One more week, then I'll become little miss homemaker with dinner on the table at 5:30 sharp!  In my pearls and heels of course :)

Meeting Mom

The last few weeks have been super stressful for me.  Part of it had to do with Alvin's decision to change jobs (more on that later), part of it was realizing that the family that was supposed to take the girls is not approved to (we'll have them now a minimum of 6 months), but the majority of it had to do with the fact that we were beginning visitations with the girls' mother.

So. not. excited. about. that.

I'm not opposed to visitations in theory, but like I mentioned last post, the social worker painted such an awful picture of mom that I was literally dreading the visit.  Like sick feeling in my stomach kind of dread.  Horrible vision of all things going wrong - mom screaming at us, mom screaming at the girls, mom trying to kidnap the girls, mom bringing thugs with her.  I don't know!  Crazy thoughts that I know I shouldn't have been thinking.  I kept praying for a peaceful visit, but I wasn't putting my trust in knowing that God is always in control.

Normally the visits are supposed to be at a mutually agreed upon location between the foster and the natural family, and generally equally distant for both, but for some reason the county social worker insisted that we drive out to Mom.   It was supposed to be at a DCFS office or a police station, but those places didn't work out, so Mom picked a McDonalds close to her.   It was almost an hour in traffic one-way (grumble, grumble... but that's another issue). Thankfully our case manager from Olive Crest was going with us.

Upon first walking in and seeing Mom, it was so obvious that she was genuinely excited to see the girls, and she could barely contain her joy.  She was polite and introduced herself to both Alvin and I, she brought birthday gifts for Big Girl, and I think she held Baby Girl almost the entire time.  She was trying so hard to be happy and fun and loving with the girls, that it was melting my heart a little.  It did take some time for Big Girl to warm up to her, but once she did, she was very loving and sweet to her.

Here I had dreaded this visit, thought all kinds of horrible things about Mom (based on someone else's word), and it turned out that she loves those girls so much and wanted a nice visit with them.  I think she doesn't have a great relationship with the social worker, so that may account for why the social worker had nothing nice to say.  Alvin and I both came away from that visit with such a different opinion of Mom - from disdain to actually feeling sorry for her. Unfortunately I can't go into the details of why they're in foster care, because you may be wondering all kinds of things, so it may be hard to understand our reaction.  It may change over the course of time, as we get to know Mom better, but for now we are having much more positive feelings towards her. 

I do have to mention a funny part about that visit though.  The McDonald's has a Playplace and Big Girl wanted to go up the tubes and down the slide.  She wanted Mom to go with her (Mom is a large lady).  Mom was so excited to be with her, how could she say no?  So up into the tubes she went.  Well our case manager who is officially monitoring the visit, has to be within earshot of the mom at all times.  So yep... she had to follow them up into the tubes and down the slide too.  Alvin and I couldn't help laughing at her.  It was mean, but it was hilarious.  I think she had to go about 3 times before Mom finally encouraged Big Girl to go by herself  (note to self - no more visits with Mom where there is a Playplace - it will be me monitoring future visits).

We had another visit that week, but it was at a courthouse very close to us.  Mom was great with the girls again, and very polite to me.  She heard Big Girl calling me "Mommy."  She said, "I know she calls you that, and it's OK. I'm not mad or anything.  I understand that she's with you the most."  It made me sad.  (Couldn't imagine for a moment one of my kids calling someone else "Mommy").  We were outside in a open courtyard area, so there wasn't anything fun for Big Girl to do, or anywhere to put Baby Girl down.  They both got a little fussy / tired at the end of the visit and were ready to go.  I think it bothered Mom a little, especially that the baby kept looking for me and wanted me to hold her.  How can I monitor a visit, be within earshot, but not let the girls see me and want to be with me?  I don't think it can happen.

We see Mom again tomorrow at a park this time.  I pray that our visits continue to be positive, and that we can establish a good relationship with her.  Things are constantly changing, so we'll just take it visit by visit. 

More changes

Just when I was thinking that I could seriously handle being a mom of 5 kids (or at least make a great effort), we found out today that we may only have the girls another week or two!

The girls will probably go to live with a relative here shortly, and although we knew this day would come eventually, it's still emotional.  In the 5 weeks they've been here, we have all bonded and feel very connected to each other.  Our family, as well as the social workers involved, have seen such a huge change in Big Girl since she first came to us.  We all want the best for them, and we can only pray that this change for the girls will be the best.

I can't stand to think about it if it's not.

That's the thing about fostering.  Our only job is to love them and care for them while they are with us.  We don't have any say in any of the decisions that affect them, and of course there's never a guarantee on how long you get them.

Next week we have 2 visits scheduled with their mother.  This will be the first time that she has seen the girls since they went into foster care.  Honestly we have not heard anything positive about mom, but thankfully our social worker will be with us for the visits.  The word "volatile" has been used to describe her several times.  (insert sarcastic - Great...)

These visits are to be closely monitored... by us.  Close enough to hear what mom says to the girls, because we have to record the gist of the visit.  We are driving quite a distance too, to be where mom is.  None of this is what I prefer, certainly, but this is what comes with the job.  Definitely not the fun part of the job.

Anyway, I've already started thinking about all of the things I will be packing up and sending along with them - clothes, toys, books, blankets, etc. when they leave us.   They came to us with so little, and it's crazy how much they've accumulated in just a few short weeks.  My family and friends lavished such wonderful gifts on Big Girl last week for her birthday, and I really hope that those things stay with her for awhile.

The next week should be interesting for sure.  Meeting mom, visitations, the girls possibly leaving...  praying that it's all in God's hands!

Easter 2012

Easter was a special day this year.  Not only was it my big 4-0 on Easter day, but we were able to spend it with our two little foster girls.  We started our day at church, with our annual Belgium waffle breakfast!  I love this tradition!

Here's my mom helping herself to a yummy waffle that she made.  Doesn't she look good people?  She's lost like 50 something pounds.  I'm so proud of her :) 

We were also blessed to have a rockin' worship band this morning, courtesy of my bro-in-law's nephews.  This is only half the band.  They were awesome!

Love to see a good crowd coming to hear the Word!  There's my handsome man up at the front :)  Preach it Alvin!

 After church we headed over to my sister's house.  Malia wore her Easter crown all day.   I guess she wanted to be the Easter princess.  I have a picture of all the kids in their Easter finest, but unfortunately I can't post any pics of the foster girls.  I tried to blur out their faces, but it looked really freaky.  So just imagine 3 girls in their beautiful frilly dresses, and 2 boys looking handsome :)

 Micah was so into hunting for eggs this year.  I know he's shirtless.  That's better than some of the pics I have of him from last year in only a diaper.  Keep it classy Micah!

 Josh got to hunt with the "big kids" this year.  He basically hung out with all the teenagers that day too.  He felt like such a grown-up.

 Malia and Josh both participated in the egg toss this year!  We practiced a little with hard boiled eggs in the days before Easter to help them feel more comfortable.  Well raw eggs were a bit too scary, so we only made it a few rounds, but I'm so proud of them for trying!

 Of course my nieces are total pros, and one of these days, I know they'll win the coveted egg toss trophy.  By the way... thank you Dad for all of these wonderful photos.  Not too many people can look this cool while catching an egg, but Regan and Chandler make it look almost glamorous.  Great job girls!

40!

40!  Yep, somehow that number happens even to the best of us :)

I'm kinda in denial.  I remember when my mom turned 40...  I was 15!!!  (oops sorry Mom, I guess I just gave away your age!)

Anyhoo, sometimes I still identify more with the 15-year-old me, than the 40-year-old me.  40 - yech... still have a hard time saying (or rather typing) it.

Do you know how badly I wanted to re-touch this picture above?  A few years ago I really started to notice the lines around my eyes, but I guess all those years in the sun (and time) is finally catching up with me.  Age is all a state-of-mind, yes?  At least that's what old people say, hee hee.

10 years ago, if you would have described my life right now to me, I would be shocked.  At 30, I was still single, had just moved back home with my parents to save money to buy a home, and I was teaching full-time.  Now I'm a married, pastor's wife, stay-at-home-mother-of-three, and a foster mom to 2. 

What will the next 10 years bring?

I know I'm not the only baby to whine about getting older, but seriously, this stinks!

A New Normal

The latest update on the girls is that they are doing really good!

Baby Girl is completely healthy, and Big Girl is really adjusting well to our family.  The changes in her are amazing actually.  When she came to us, she would often cover her face with both arms whenever she met new people, or felt uncomfortable in any way.  To us this was such a clear defense mechanism, and I can only imagine why a little girl would need to protect herself in this way.  She would also say, "I'm scared," a lot and start crying.  Little things, random things would set her off.  She didn't want anything to do with Alvin.

Big Girl would also cling to me whenever new people came around, or if we went to a new environment.  It would take her sometimes a half an hour or longer before I could peel her off of my lap.  She also cried every night before bed.  We would either have to hold her until she fell asleep, or we would have to sit next to her bed until she slept.

But almost all of those things have changed!  She no longer cries before bed, and she rarely covers her face or says, "I'm scared."  She can still be a little clingy in new situations, but she warms up so much quicker now.  She is a happy, sweet little girl.  She loves to play with her brothers and sisters, but still likes to have me nearby.  The biggest change is with her relationship with Alvin.  She loves playing with Daddy now, and her favorite thing is to tickle him or just sit in his lap.  It's so sweet to watch how comfortable she is with him now. 

The baby is also such a sweet and happy girl.  She will go to anyone, and she just loves attention.  We're starting finger foods and trying new baby foods this week.  It's so strange to go back to this stage of bottles and baby food, but there's nothing like snuggling with a baby.  I'm loving it :)

We have several meetings in the next few weeks, and a court date scheduled for the end of the month.  We should have a better idea of the girls' future, or at least have a better idea of how long we will have them.  It's hard to believe how attached to these girls we've become, but we know that this is not a permanent situation, and we do our best to keep that in our minds.  I know that's one of the hardest things about fostering, so I just keep thinking that I'm going to love them the best I can, for as I long as they're here.

Big News for Veritas!

In non-foster care related news...

Veritas is now an official Calvary Chapel church!  We are so excited about this.  Even though we've been unofficially calling ourselves Veritas Calvary Chapel, we've completed the application process and are part of the family.  It's hard to believe that just 2 1/2 years ago, we started as a home church, meeting with just 5 adults.   I am so proud of my husband, Alvin, who has seen this process through to completion.  We get to use the official dove and everything :)  ha ha. 

There are so many exciting things going on with the church right now (including working with an after-school Bible club at the school!).  I can't wait to find some more time to blog about it.